What Happened To You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.

{Poolside Muse} What Happened To You?

An estimated 46% of children experience trauma at some point in their young lives, and that number increases to 61% into adulthood, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

The trigger that takes us back to those moments can come without warning, they sneak up and surprise us.

Even when we're aware of the trigger it can still consume us at the moment and bring us back to the event and memory as if we are re-living it... again and again.

As a coach, trainer, facilitator, and someone who has gone through trauma several times myself this is something that I see and watch for when I work with clients.

And I’ve witnessed the flicker in the eyes of my clients during our 1:1 work or when facilitating a training.

Fireworks are one of my triggers.

As I've shared with you, losing my mom and almost losing my oldest son on the 4th of July in 2001… the sound, smell, and sight of fireworks instantly take me back to standing in a hospital room staring out the window, next to my five-year-old watching him sleep after head surgery and trying to cope with the grief that was consuming me, that my mom was no longer on this earth.

I remember sitting there frozen, in shock and watching, hearing, and seeing the city of Las Vegas light up.

My body and mind remember and go back to that frozen and shocked place anytime I see or hear fireworks, still to this day.

I see it in the work I do today when working with clients as we talk through their life and the events that happen to them, that have led them to do the work that they do and are so passionate about. Especially as we start to uncover their story and determine what parts they choose to share as part of their personal brand.

It often stirs up a lot of emotions and feelings, some that they have not felt or dealt with for years.

It also shows up often in their confidence, or for many, it’s part of the lack of confidence.

I just finished listening to Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry’s book, What Happened To You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. (I highly recommend you read this as part of the work you do to stay trauma-informed for yourself or as you work with others.)

The shift of people asking “What is wrong with you?” to “What happened to you”?

… is insanely powerful and is how we need to start looking at everyday life as so much can start to be understood by this simple reframe.

Oprah shared in the book that after interviewing over 40,000 people, there was one question that every single person asked at the end of each interview and it was, “How did I do?”

I’ve heard those words come out of my mouth after being interviewed on podcasts or after speaking on stages and I’ve heard them from so many of my podcast guests and clients.

We’re all searching for acceptance, for love, to be worthy, and search of being good enough. Even wanting and needing to be validated, often because of events that have happened to us.

Part of the work I do with my clients is to start to decouple the trauma and life events that have happened so they can heal.

As we share our story, we begin to heal and we also give permission to others to share more of themselves and walk in their truth.

Dr. Bruce D Perry shared in the book that, “Awareness coupled with connectedness, together these can create trauma-informed community.”

As leaders and entrepreneurs, it’s so important that we start to uncover our wounds, watch and pay close attention to what is happening around us so that we speak up when we see things and carefully lead others to get the support they need.

What thoughts, feelings, and sensations came up for you as you think back to how trauma has impacted your life? And what comes up for you as you explore how paying closer attention to what’s happened to others as you lead and support others on their journey by being trauma-informed?

I leave you with a quote that Oprah shared in the book by ― Iyanla Vanzant

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”